Forgive
by inkcyan
Summary: Forgive and forget? Those words weren't in Kurapika's vocabulary. He'd never abandon his old goal, but he could make a new one: survive the whole revenge ordeal, and live happily ever after with his friends. songfic, rated T because of one word


Based on the song "Not Ready to Make Nice", sung by the Dixie Chicks. The only thing I changed was the part: "_It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger_"—since Kurapika is a boy, I changed it to 'son' and 'he'.

Disclaimer: Don't own the manga, don't own the song

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_Forgive, sounds good_

Kurapika was tired. Tired both physically and emotionally. His life revolved around two main points—killing off the Genei Ryodan and collecting the eyes of his clan. Day in, day out, he fed his chains his life-sustaining nen. Day in, day out, he kept his eyes in their red state for long periods of time to practice for when the time came he had to battle yet another member of the Spiders.

_Forget, I'm not sure I could_

Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could still clearly picture the scene on that fateful day, long, long ago. His mother, father, siblings, friends—all the people he loved, and many, many more—sprawled out on the ground in grotesque positions. Some of them had limbs cut off; others had gaping holes where their hearts should have been. Even more had were missing chunks of flesh. And everywhere, bloody heads. Heads without eyes.

_They say time heals everything_

_But I'm still waiting_

It had been so many years since the massacre. So many long, tortuous days, all alone, tramping the dusty streets of the world trying to learn what he could and get powerful. So many years of suffering—with nobody to help his limping steps. After all, he was close to sixteen when he took the Hunter Exam and met Leorio, Gon, and Killua.

_I'm through with doubt_

_There's nothing left for me to figure out_

The first few days after the incident, Kurapika didn't know what he should do. He blanked out his mind while forcing his limbs to work, burying each individual in separate graves, trying to find the body parts that fit with one body, the head that fit with another. He had to take many breaks, many rests. How old had he been? It was so long ago he could hardly remember. Six? Seven? Possibly, five?

It was after the burial that he had decided to take revenge.

_I've paid a price_

_And I'll keep paying_

The future had always been crystal clear to Kurapika—sacrifice everything to get revenge. Throw aside pride, morals, even friends—throw aside everything he had been raised up to respect—for one goal.

_I'm not ready to make nice_

_I'm not ready to back down_

He had sacrificed everything—did Leorio actually think he'd forgive and forget?

_I'm still mad as hell and_

_I don't have time to go round and round and round_

His rage hadn't died down yet—he wasn't going to waste time thinking about whether or not the Genei Ryodan had feelings or not. They were the murderers of his clan—they didn't deserve to live!

_It's too late to make it right_

_I probably wouldn't if I could_

It was too late—too late to change his mind. And even if he had another chance—a chance to start over—would he actually abandon his goal of revenge?

'_Cause I'm mad as hell_

_Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should_

Killua never said anything—but Kurapika knew what he meant, anyways. A piercing look from the side of his cyan eyes meant: _I know how you feel._ A slight lift of his eyebrows meant: _At least you had a childhood. I'm still trying to make up for the childhood I never had._ A brief touch on Kurapika's sleeve and the tiniest hint of a frown meant: _Revenge is empty. You'll never find happiness from that._

_I know you said_

_Can't you just get over it_

Gon could never understand why Kurapika couldn't just be happy. _Wouldn't your clan want you to be happy?_ He asked, puzzled. _Why can't you just get over it?_

_It turned my whole world around_

_And I kind of like it_

Kurapika suddenly had a new goal—live through the revenge of his clan. He was still going to kill the Genei Ryodan, but he would survive it. To be happy. To celebrate each new day with his friends.

_I made my bed and I sleep like a baby_

_With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'_

At the end of each long day, Kurapika would fall asleep the second his head touched the mattress. He rarely dreamed—although when he did they were always nightmares. He didn't regret traveling on the path of revenge—although guilt burdened on his soul, the grief of his one person was nothing compared to what his clansmen had suffered. And anyways, it would soon be over. Soon.

_It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her_

_Son that he ought to hate a perfect stranger_

The last words of his mother were forever imprinted in his brain. _I...love you…Kurapika…Please—Spiders…Genei Ryodan…kill…hate…revenge…love you…_

She died in his arms.

_And how in the world can the words that I said_

_Send somebody so over the edge_

Before Kurapika killed Ubogin, he told him of his vow to kill the Genei Ryodan. Ubogin was mad, extremely so, but confident that Kurapika wouldn't be able to best the others in a fight, especially not Kuroro.

_That they'd write me a letter_

_Sayin' that I better shut up and sing_

_Or my life will be over_

Of course, they never realized how strong he was until he had Kuroro in his grasp. After he traded Kuroro's life for the lives of Killua and Gon, the Spiders finally realized the extent of his power. Although Kurapika didn't know it, they themselves made a vow to kill him, while trying to find a way to break the nen chains around Kuroro's heart.

_I'm not ready to make nice_

_I'm not ready to back down_

No matter what, he would accomplish his goal.

_I'm still mad as hell and_

_I don't have time to go round and round and round_

He could control his rage now—he was just too tired to let his eyes flash a fiery red every time he even thought about his clan or the Spiders. In battle, though, his rage was stronger than ever. Strong was good though, and he didn't try to restrain it.

_It's too late to make it right_

_I probably wouldn't if I could_

No regrets. Keep fighting to the end. He had always been trained, as a warrior, to never back down in battle. However, he doubted his fighting instructors had been thinking of this kind of situation when they taught him that.

'_Cause I'm mad as hell_

_Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should_

Gon, Killua, and Leorio tried to understand, and tried to help. They really did. But after the Yorkshin incident, Kurapika decided never to let them help again. He wouldn't risk letting them get hurt, and they were the only people left in the world he cared for. Besides, they believed he should quit the whole revenge business. And he couldn't—no matter how hard he tried.

_I'm not ready to make nice_

_I'm not ready to back down_

_I'm still mad as hell and_

_I don't have time to go round and round and round_

_It's too late to make it right_

_I probably wouldn't if I could_

'_Cause I'm mad as hell_

_Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should_

_Forgive, sounds good_

_Forget, I'm not sure I could_

_They say time heals everything_

_But I'm still waiting._

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Woohoo! My first attempt at a songfic! I was listening to the song for the millionth time when inspiration struck. I wrote the paragraphs by using the song line as inspiration, so it's kinda like a lot of drabbles, even though I did try to connect them around a central theme. Kinda turned out weird, I like it though. Anyone else like?

Reviews always always always always always always always accepted!


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